Don't Worry, be Happy With Your Body

Baby’s got back.

I posted a picture of myself doing a side plank rotational press on social media the other day, and got a fair amount of flattering comments. I will preface this by saying that I don’t post on social media in an attempt to garner fame and fortune; I know that’s like catching lightning in a bottle and it's just not something I’m interested in devoting the energy into. Still, I’d be remiss if I didn’t admit that getting attention via posts of myself exercising or flexing makes me feel good. Really good. But at the same time, one negative comment or emoji reaction can spoil the high.

There were times when I’ve experienced shame and disgust with regards to my body image. The worst was during college, when someone in my dorm compared my very thin frame (a result of severe anxiety) to the body of a prisoner of war. They actually said “Holocaust,” which was especially hurtful given that I’m a Jew. This appalling comment prompted me to hit the gym and bulk up on a high protein diet. However, I didn’t do any of it the right way because I was fueled by shame and poor self image. I overworked myself in the gym and my "high protein” diet consisted mainly of Taco Bell (and other quick, junk food sources of protein) and protein shakes. I bulked up, but eventually burned out and stopped going to the gym altogether. I did end up realizing that I needed to start eating better quality food as a result (I had to respond to the intense GERD and other gastrointestinal symptoms I was experiencing), so it wasn’t all a waste of time.

The second time around, I did things right from the start. I acknowledged to myself that being fit was a process not a product. So I was gentle with myself. I planned workouts and a diet that aligned with my goals and what my body was communicating to me. The great results of working out and eating well came back with a vengeance, but this time, I felt healthier all around. Most importantly I developed a passion for it, which has been the key to staying on track and feeling uplifted.

A few years ago, I posted a picture of myself flexing. I had lost a decent amount of weight from distance and trail running, and was just starting a strength training program. So I was cut, but quite slim. I had a mesomorph-ectomorph body type, meaning that I had developed some defined muscle, but was mostly lean and slender rather than muscular. A friend commented, “You got so thin! Hope it’s not ‘cause of anything wrong.”

I knew that it wasn’t their intention (they’re a great and supportive friend), but it made me feel self-conscious, if only for a moment. I am not as thin-skinned as I was just a short while ago. I attribute this to the fact that I love my body. I’m very comfortable with and in my physical form. I knew I was on the path to becoming real swole, and that the next time I posted a selfie of me flexing, they’d see the fruits of my labor.

The main reason I post on social media is because I am proud of my efforts. I don’t get, nor expect, many likes or comments; but when I get them it’s always a nice boost to my mood. And even when I don’t get a lot of engagement on a post, I don’t fret about it because I have to focus on the big picture, which is real life self-care. I just stay the course and continue to learn and grow. The physical and aesthetic results are obvious to those who do see me online or in person. I’m not out to prove or redeem anything.

I consider exercise as a means for building functional strength and power rather than an avenue to look good. It’s possible to look “built” while still remaining weak and lacking in athletic skills. In an episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Dennis Reynolds teases Mac that he doesn’t have the core strength to scale the wall of Citizens Bank Park. Mac responds that he works out all the time, to which Dennis retorts, “Yeah, but you only work your glamour muscles and you know it.”

My workouts are involved with building power, agility and flexibility so that I can age gracefully and remain stable and strong well into my golden years. Looking “fit” and “buff” is a welcomed byproduct of the process. I don’t sweat the small stuff like how I look, I focus my energy on how I feel. That said, I look the best I ever have at forty years old. Love your body, be kind to it and tune it up frequently. It’ll be kind to you in return.

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