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I’ve often mentioned in prior posts that my fitness journey has made it possible for me to get back into making art. One of my last “major” series of artworks was in 2018. This series consists of two groups of works, which I call the “Brainy” and “Out Damned Spot” pieces. These works were inspired by my experiences dealing with OCD. Using xerography and collage techniques, I embraced both planned and random elements of the artistic process. This procedure mirrors the feeling of living with OCD, and dealing with the push and pull between random intrusive thoughts and my rationality.
Brainy refers to the cognitive aspects of OCD, such as the irrational and intrusive thoughts that pop into my head. Out Damned Spot alludes to the compulsions and reactions to the aforementioned thoughts (i.e. handwashing, avoiding certain circumstances and asking others for reassurance that I’m OK). Fans of Shakespeare might also recognize the phrase “Out damned spot” from the scene in Macbeth where Lady Macbeth engages in obsessive hand washing motions during her guilt-ridden sleepwalking spell. This also recalls the earliest rituals I had of frequent hand washing, which led to me being diagnosed with OCD. Routines, counting, checking, etc. come and go and change over time.
I was first diagnosed with OCD in elementary school, so it has been a lifelong endeavor. Triggers and tics come and go, and intrusive thoughts, compulsions and rituals ebb and flow. Since 2020, my OCD has been on overdrive, and has been far more obtrusive than ever before. All-in-all, it makes the minutiae of everyday life feel like an uphill battle.
The process of making art about my mental health is quite cathartic. In the past I’ve made significant strides in dealing with my OCD, and that prior success and know-how has been fruitful to my current efforts trying to manage it. Fitness has certainly helped, as my intense workout regimen gives me one heck of an endorphin boost. Now that I’m back to exploring artistic responses to mental health, I’ve found a way to combine my passions for art and fitness.
My latest series of artworks in progress addresses my mental health experiences through the lens of physical fitness training. I am utilizing symbols and iconography that are common to both the canon of art and fitness culture.
Below are three recent works of art from the ongoing series, which I’ve titled “Fragments, Ruins and Ruminations.” The name of the series symbolizes the toll OCD has on my psyche. The imagery expresses my fight to achieve an ideal state of mental and physical well-being. The impetus behind these works comes from the aesthetics of classical sculpture and modern bodybuilding, as well as concepts from contemporary art.
Where’s my mind?
Where’s my Mind is based on the many Greek and Roman sculptures that are missing their heads. I’ve taken a photograph of me flexing, “transformed” myself to look like a statue and then removed my head. While I’ve made significant changes to my physical wellness, and built my body to be a corporeal fortress, my mind needs significant toning. Hence, the title, “Where’s my mind.”
Part to Whole to Part Again
Part to Whole to Part Again is a visual metaphor for the experience of going through mental health treatment. Therapy gives me the tools to work on feeling sound in mind. But there are times when the good feelings go away, and I feel like a fragment of my self.
While making this piece, I was also thinking about a phrase my therapist told me, which is to “Enjoy the good moment before it leaves and returns again.” With OCD, it’s important that I focus on practicing mindfulness, and let go of the intrusive thoughts.
Tethered to the Classics
The idea that physical perfection entailed a unison of both mind and spirit was a major ethos behind the creation of Renaissance art. There’s possibly no sculpture from the Renaissance era that’s more well known than Michalangelo’s David.
When I posted a candid photo my wife took of me in the woods, a friend commented that I looked like the figure of David that Michalangelo skillfully carved in marble. So I decided to juxtapose myself with the iconic sculpture as a way to signify a yearning for the ideal mind-body connection that inspired many of the Renaissance artists.
This concludes our virtual studio visit. Thanks for taking the time to read the text and view the works of art. I’m already conceptualizing the next few works, so stay tuned. I look forward to welcoming you all into my “studio” again soon!